It's the Little Things

 Lately, I've discovered that many of the non-fiction books I read have similar themes, and one of those themes is gratitude. It's a topic of discussion in both of the Audible books I'm listening to, and it's the topic of an entire unit in one of the classes I teach.

A few months ago, I found a really simple journaling idea on Pinterest which includes -- you guessed it -- gratitudes. I modified it a bit, using it only in the mornings, but I've done it every day for a month and a half. I've been ending my days with gratitudes for a long time, but this new journaling piece has added morning gratitudes to my routine as well. It's a pretty nice way to bookend the day.

There's so much out there to point to the power of being grateful. It has echoes far beyond the moment we take to acknowledge the things that are good. In fact, gratitudes can be as small as the ones in this post from three summers ago.

What are you grateful for today?

The other night, as I was getting ready for bed, something small made me smile. I don't remember if it was the clean towels my daughter had folded and put away or the sweet-smelling hand soap I'd finally found online, allowing me to replace the industrial-smelling stuff I'd bought in a pinch. Whatever it was, it was a small thing and it got me to thinking.

Small things can be the tipping point. They can be bitter or sweet -- the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back, or the cherry on top of the sundae (or whipped cream if you're not a fan of maraschino cherries). We tend not to notice them when they add value but, when they knock us off course, they're all we can think about.

Today's post is about the former, not the latter. Whatever that thing was that got me started the other night (I think it was the towels), it triggered a flood of little things that make me smile. Here, in no particular, are a few of my favorite things. 

• Charged devices
• Sharpened pencils
• The little notes my husband leaves for me to find when I come downstairs after he's gone to work
• Blank notebooks
• Clear space
• The white lights in my office

  

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• Emails from friends
• My vanilla soy candle
• Cloth napkins
• Clean clothes
• My bedside clock with the great big numbers
• The right pen or marker
• A new book
• Everyone sleeping peacefully under the same roof.

I'm sure I could keep going, but you get the idea. 

What little thing will make your day today?

Friday Feature: Gratitude

Week one of the semester is over and I'm tired, but grateful. In part, it's because of my students (and the fact that I had a reasonably successful week), but it's also because I've got gratitude on the brain.

One of the courses I'm teaching this semester is Positive Psychology and, each week, one of the things I assign is a positive psychology exercise. Next week's is "Three Blessings," a gratitude exercise, so I spent some time this afternoon looking for supplemental readings that feature Dr. Robert Emmons, often cited as the world's leading scientific expert on gratitude. After clicking around for awhile, I finally settled on this one from the Harvard Business Review, in part because it includes some good questions for those who want to be grateful, but find it to be a struggle, especially now.

A close contender was this article from New Harbinger Publications blog that focused on some of the specifics (besides the obvious) of why we can find gratitude so difficult under trying circumstances but, in the end, The HBR article ticked a few more boxes for me. 

The act of being grateful is at once so simple and so powerful and it's something that not only becomes easier with practice, but yields enormous benefits, including better sleep and better physical health as well. 

What are you grateful for today?

Your brain on gratitude
Photo by Glenn Fox via Big Think

Simple Pleasures

jussiak via Pixabay

The other night, as I was getting ready for bed, something small made me smile. I don't remember if it was the clean towels my daughter had folded and put away or the sweet-smelling hand soap I'd finally found online, allowing me to replace the industrial-smelling stuff I'd bought in a pinch. Whatever it was, it was a small thing and it got me to thinking.

Small things can be the tipping point. They can be bitter or sweet -- the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back, or the cherry on top of the sundae (or whipped cream if you're not a fan of maraschino cherries). We tend not to notice them when they add value but, when they knock us off course, they're all we can think about.

Today's post is about the former, not the latter. Whatever that thing was that got me started the other night (I think it was the towels), it triggered a flood of little things that make me smile. Here, in no particular, are a few of my favorite things. 

• Charged devices
• Sharpened pencils
• The little notes my husband leaves for me to find when I come downstairs after he's gone to work
• Blank notebooks
• Clear space
• The white lights in my office

  

  weinstock via Pixabay
  

• Emails from friends
• My vanilla soy candle
• Cloth napkins
• Clean clothes
• My bedside clock with the great big numbers
• The right pen or marker
• A new book
• Everyone sleeping peacefully under the same roof.

I'm sure I could keep going, but you get the idea. 

What little thing will make your day today?

Friday Feature: What is Enough?

I used to be part of the Black Friday brigade, back when it started at something resembling a reasonable hour (or perhaps my definition of a reasonable hour has just changed over time). These days, I'd much rather be part of the Cyber Monday crew, shopping in my pjs in the comfort of my own home. I can't think of anything I want badly enough to rise at 4am and stand in line for it and I refuse to contribute to the notion that retail workers should have to be at my beck and call on Thanksgiving.

Another factor that has played a role in my shopping shift is reaching the point where there really isn't that much that I want that I don't already have -- at least nothing that can be purchased at a Black Friday (or Cyber Monday) sale. In her post, "What is enough?" blogger and author Ingrid Fetell Lee digs a little deeper into the concept of enough, not only from a material perspective, but from a personal perspective as well.

Lee looks at gratitude, goals and, without actually labeling it, savoring as well -- that concept of being in the moment and truly experiencing all it has to offer without thinking about what might be missing or what comes next.

As an inveterate to-do list box checker, I saw a lot of myself in this article, but one paragraph practically jumped off the page and pointed its finger at me:

...Mollie West Duffy, one of the authors of the book No Hard Feelings...suggested asking the question, "What is going to be enough for today?" I've started doing this around 4pm, the hour at which I typically scan the many items still to do on my list and start to calculate how many I can reasonably accomplish. I think sometimes the pursuit of more is a mindless one, and just calling our attention to the question is often enough to discover that enough is closer to hand than we realized.

I have practically the same hour of reckoning as Lee -- somewhere around 4pm each day -- and I invariably look at my list in frustration, not triumph. I feel grumpy about what I've left undone and start wishing for a personal chef because I know that if only I didn't have to make dinner, that extra time could be soo productive and I could dispense with another three or four items....

And maybe I could. Or maybe, just perhaps, what I've already done is sufficient and it's time to rethink the reality of the list I made in the first place. On any given day, either of these things could be true, yet one conclusion is more challenging than the other, especially when I look around at what remains to be done and wonder just when that will happen.

So, today, when my lovely, long day "off" has been derailed by a sinus headache that delayed checking anything off my list, I'm going to try to remember to ask myself that question. There will always be more to do, to buy, to prepare. So, for today, what is going to be enough? 

Friday Feature: Projecting Positivity

This semester, I'm teaching a course in positive psychology. As you can imagine, it's a lot of fun. What's not to like about going to work and focusing on ways to make ourselves happier and to make life better? It also helps to have a class made up of students who want to be there and who, every class, raise excellent questions and insights.

Curious about what those life-improving things might be? Check out this quick read from Happify on "13 Proven Ways to Project Positive Energy."

Happy Friday!

Friday Feature: Why Gratitude is Good For You

Happy Day after Thanksgiving! Are we all finished with giving thanks for this year?

Not if we're smart. As it turns out, this holiday that seems to get smashed into a tiny sliver between trick-or-treat candy and Christmas carols has the right idea. And, if we're smart, we'll continue its practices, despite what the retail industry has in mind.

Gratitude, especially when practiced regularly, has a whole host of health benefits, from helping us sleep better to helping us feel better. And it's not just a temporary feel-good feeling; the lasting nature of the effects of the practice of gratitude have been supported in study after study.

Want a quick cheat sheet on what all of these benefits are? Read this piece from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Magazine or, if you're still too full of Thanksgiving turkey to read without falling asleep, listen to Robert Emmons' quick talk on the four benefits of gratitude.

You might just be grateful you took the time to do so.

Gratitude in the New Normal

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My daughter is home from college.

The house is messier and noisier, our routines have been disrupted and it's all good because my daughter is home. Morphing from an empty nest to a full one has become second nature, the new normal of parenting a young adult.

For our family, new normal is the theme of the season. Last summer, my mom lost her battle with cancer, and so we are heading into our first holiday season without her. Dreading the empty place at the table, I'm turning my focus instead to the things I am grateful for (in no particular order).

• A few days away from classes, even if grading papers is still part of the package.

• The young adults -- my daughter, my niece, my nephew and his girlfriend -- who will bring a different kind of energy to this Thanksgiving.

• My dad.

• The opportunity to see my sister's new house and to sit down and catch up with her.

• My husband.

• Thanksgiving food, prepared by my brother-in-law, (for whom I am also grateful), who is unruffled by the task of getting a multitude of different dishes to the table. 

• The inauguration of the Christmas season with the annual playing of the Johnny Mathis Christmas CD after dinner.

All of this -- my mom's legacy -- is what we're thankful for this Thanksgiving. I wish she were here to celebrate with us, but I'm guessing that not having to do the cooking is just heavenly.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Labor Day Gratitudes

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I bought the best pair of pajamas last Friday. I wasn't looking for pajamas, but someone had stuck this pair on the end of a rack, where they captured my attention immediately. Snapping them up, I put them in my cart and, once home, I quickly determined that they were perfect for chilling out on a Friday evening and keeping me comfy as I worked on writing projects on a rainy Saturday morning.

Sometimes, the fruits of our labor yield things to be grateful for -- small things, like the perfect pair of pajamas -- that may not lead to noble goals like world peace, but nevertheless make our world a little sweeter. Today, I'm taking a moment to share a few of those things that matter to me.

• Colleagues who become friends -- and stay friends even after the job is done.
• Soft, comfy clothes made for kicking back and relaxing.
• New projects that excite us so much that they don't feel like work.
• An unexpected thread of connection to another person -- maybe momentary, or maybe a thread that becomes woven into the tapestry of our lives.
• Opportunities for our children, made possible by the work we've done and, with the occasional shortcut provided by our own life experience.
• Countless things that make us smile -- both little things and luxuries made possible by the routine and rigor of the work we do.

Here's hoping your Labor Day is a day of rest from the work that makes all these things possible, and a chance to enjoy the little things that make your world a little sweeter.

Friday Freebie: Why Be Grateful?

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As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm finding it easy to be grateful. Though I love my job, three days (plus a weekend) without classes will give me a chance to catch my breath and spend some time with family without feeling as though I should be doing something else. I could just as easily focus on this break as the calm before the storm that is December -- a time when semester conclusions and holiday beginnings collide in a frenzy of opposing forces -- but that would suck the joy out of not only the break itself, but also the anticipation of fun, food and relaxation. No one wants that.

Please understand -- I don't mean to be preachy. I realize that I'm lucky. I don't have to plow through a field of terrible circumstances to find the one grain of happiness that remains. I have nothing but admiration for those who have the fortitude to do just that. Far from being insincere, they know something that many of us don't.

Gratitude reaps rewards of its own. Not only does it make us feel better, even if only temporarily, it carries health benefits as well.

But don't take my word for it. Click here to read about the benefits of gratitude, take a gratitude quiz and find out how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

'Tis the season, after all.

Patience and Gratitude

'Tis the season...for patience! After a lovely, long Starbucks visit with a friend this morning, I set out on my short list of errands, hoping to get home in time to grade a stack of papers while the house was quiet.

Silly me. Even though my friend warned me that today was the busiest day of the year at the post office, that did not dissuade me. Not checking that item off my list would actually be more stressful than the long line I was sure to encounter, so I braved the satellite post office at the grocery store where the clerk is kind, but methodical and unruffled -- all good traits, but none of which advance the line with alacrity.

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Sure enough, the line stretched beyond the counter and wound back toward the bread aisle. So with errand #1 transferred to a different day (the shop was closed) and errand #3 still ahead, I settled in for a long winter's nap -- no, wait -- a Monday afternoon lesson in patience.

A funny thing about patience -- it tends to materialize when I'm prepared to need it. I knew there would be a line, so I figured I'd entertain myself with my phone and indeed I did -- I wrote the beginning of this blog, grateful that I was able to stand in line without worrying about finishing in time to race off to work. 

I got to the counter 26 minutes after I got in line, and made it back to my car (mission accomplished) in almost exactly 30 minutes -- about three times as long as it usually takes -- but not before the patience I'd so carefully exercised began to fade. 

Another thing about patience -- it runs out at funny times. When I was resigned to waiting in line, I relaxed (more or less) into the waiting game, typing on my phone and engaging in conversation with those around me. But once I was finished, that patience was gone and I was ready to sail on to the next thing on the list.

And so when I encountered an older couple meandering along on their way out of the store, did I remain behind them, matching their slow but steady pace?

I did not. Instead, I paused momentarily, then strode full speed ahead into a passing lane of my own creation. I passed safely, staying in my own lane, careful not to bump or collide, but nevertheless cruising ahead at my own speed. On another day, I might have meandered along behind them, taking a moment to be grateful that I had the option of traveling slowly or traveling quickly, but today, errand #3 loomed.

And so I'm taking that moment of gratitude now. I'm grateful to have enjoyed time with a friend this morning, and to have accomplished two (soon to be three, once I post this) things on my to-do list. I'm grateful that patience materialized when I needed it, and I'm grateful that I'm still young enough to have a choice of speeds, not only behind the wheel of my car, but under my own steam behind a grocery cart as well. I'm grateful for blue skies, temperatures that aren't too cool and the fact that, unlike my daughter and my former colleagues, I don't have to report to school again for more than a month.

Now I just need to work on being grateful for all the things I still have to do between now and Christmas.

An Attitude of Gratitude

As I began contemplating this blog last night, my daughter was asleep upstairs and my husband had fallen asleep on the sofa in the family room. Snow (now falling outside) was in the forecast, putting a damper on our travel plans, but there were -- and are -- many things to be thankful for, and the two most important ones were the ones dozing in various rooms of the house.

It's nice to be part of a family that's truly disappointed when the weather interferes with our plans to get together; I'm grateful that my family looks for reasons to be together, rather than considering family occasions a chore.

Although it's an obvious time of the year to take stock of what we're thankful for, that doesn't make it any less important to do so. There are the big things, of course -- my family and friends, my (often messy, less than perfect) home, the health, safety and well-being of those I care about. But there are also small, day-to-day things that make life a little nicer and therefore deserve to be celebrated.

This year, the little things I'm thankful for include:

• the opportunity to be a published novelist. It's been a wild ride, and one I'm looking forward to getting on again, especially now that I know where the seat belts are.
• school breaks. A day away from the day-to-day is a gift. So often, I fill those days with things I need to do. Today, the snow has made sure that I don't fall into that trap. I'm a big old snow chicken when it comes to driving, so I canceled all my appointments, and got something to be really grateful for -- a peaceful day at home.
• a schedule with built-in flexibility. I need some structure in my life, and classes and office hours provide that. But, aside from those times, I have a lot of leeway to decide what I want to do when. I'm still working on finding the right balance, but I have a feeling that's a lifelong endeavor.
• sleep. The older I get, the more I both appreciate and respect the need for it. Sleep does amazing things for us, including helping us take out the mental trash. Makes me feel much less guilty when I curl up for a late afternoon nap.
• new sheets. We recently got new linens for our bed, including soft, cozy jersey (no coincided that I love them) sheets. As the weather grows colder, this wonderful, warm bedding makes it tougher to get up in the mornings (always a challenge for a night owl anyway). But they're so worth it.
• a job I love. Need I say more? Thank you again, Lori Myers, for pointing me in the right direction.
• enough. When I retired, I was afraid I was putting this in jeopardy. Leaving the party early means you miss a few things, and in my case, income was one of them. I'd like to take credit for being savvy enough (there's that word again) to make this happen, but I have no doubt that this one, like many others, is by the grace of God, because we not only have enough, we often have more than we need or deserve.

Okay, so maybe some of those things weren't so small after all. Wishing you the happiest of Thanksgivings, with blessings great and small.

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