Friday Feature: Are We in Charge of Our Own Happiness?

 As an instructor of positive psychology, I've internalized the research-based conclusion that 40% of our happiness is within our personal control, and only 10% is based on our circumstances (the other half is genetics). This made sense to me, in that a basic tenet of therapy is that our mental health is impacted by how we frame things, that is, what we make of the circumstances we are in, and what we choose to do about them.

But when I read this article from one of my favorite sources of information on positive psychology, I began rethinking these statistics I've taken for granted, and asking myself the same question raised by the author. 

How much control do we have over our own happiness? 

And do our circumstances really play such a small role?

In my child development classes, I joke that if we had a nickel for every time I mentioned the nature-nurture interaction, we could all buy a drink at Starbucks. Why then, would I believe that circumstances, i.e. environment (part of nurture) plays anything less than a starring role in our happiness saga?

Right now, I'm listening to a book by NPR reporter Nina Totenberg (more on that next week). In the chapter I just finished, she said that her job as a reporter is to make the reader think. In addition, as a reporter, she often found herself going into her research with one opinion only to emerge with another. 

This article had that impact on me. Fortunately, it has so many hyperlink rabbit holes embedded in it that there will be plenty of opportunities for me (and my students) to dig deeper. How, for example, did the research that drew the 10% conclusion define "circumstances"? And, returning to my first paragraph above, how much of our happiness and well-being are connected to the situation itself, how much is due to what we make of it and/or choose to do about it, and how much is a product of the synergistic interaction between these two almost inextricably intertwined variables? 

Psychology is an inexact science. Yesterday's research, if it wishes to remain a fact of the field, needs to be consistently upheld by today's research. Yesterday's research didn't account for a worldwide pandemic that would plunge us into common circumstances yielding impacts beyond anything we could imagine.

But positive psychology research also supports the concept of post-traumatic growth. Finding its footing in the early 21st century, it offered up another horrific circumstance: September 11. And the research conducted in the shadow of those circumstances was a testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. 

How much control do we have over our own happiness? I suspect the answer is different for each of us, especially since genetics is responsible for about half of the equation. Should we dismiss circumstances as a mere detail? Not at all. And, in fact, there are developmental theories (and plenty of research science) to attest to the fact that we are, in at least some small way, a product of our circumstances. 

But we are also rational (mostly), determined human beings with the power to effect change. And, from where I sit, what percentage of the pie that consists of -- and whether or not that changes from day to day -- is immaterial. It's what we do with that power to change not just our own lives and circumstances, but those of other inhabitants of this world that will make the difference.

If you take the time to read the article, I'd love to chat. There's a really good chance I'll still be thinking about it for quite some time, mentally thanking its author for making me think about not just concepts and circumstances, but consequences and what it means to use whatever percentage of influence we have for good.

Friday Feature: City Sidewalks, Pretty Sidewalks

 My February foray into a writing word a day left me fascinated with the notion of exploring creativity beyond the writing and music that I already enjoy. I've never been very artistic, but I've always enjoyed decorating and I love reading Ingrid Fetell Lee's Aesthetics of Joy blog that brings concepts like color, design and happiness together. 

So, last week, when I stumbled across this piece about painted crosswalks in Axios, I was immediately drawn in. It reminded me of some of the things Lee talked about in her book, Joyful, and of the role color plays in our lives and our moods.

As I write this, the rain is pouring down outside. It's a gray day with a chill in the air that led me to change immediately into sweats when I came into my warm, dry house after work and errands. On two separate occasions today, I complimented people on a bright pink article of clothing -- one a dress, the other a jacket -- both bright spots in the grayness of the day and the mental exhaustion of the final week of classes. I'd opted for a soft sweater that I love, but it was gray and seeing those beautiful pinks made me smile and left me wishing I'd brought my own pop of color into the classroom today.

Sometimes solutions are logical, practical and linear. Other times, they're pops of color, painted bricks and crosswalks that make us stop and pay attention, whether because of their hue, their beauty or their unexpected appearance in a logical, practical, linear, gray world. 

As a person whose sensibilities lean more toward the artistic than the logical, I have to say I prefer the latter. But imagine the power they bring when they're combined with practicality to create a solution that makes us smile.

Not everyone likes the pretty fuchsias that made me stop, smile, and compliment the wearer today. Some people prefer more subtle colors like the gray of my sweater, or the browns and greens that call to mind the serenity of nature. But, whatever our preference, the colors that surround us impact our mood, inspiring serenity, joy, or a host of other emotions. And paying attention to our choices or the colors that capture us can help us make our world a little calmer, brighter, or maybe even safer.

Suddenly, that box of 64 Crayola crayons holds so much more promise than I ever imagined.

Friday Feature: When Omicron Gets You Down

 I am, by nature, a pretty positive person. My nickname in college was "Giggles." A former principal told me she could often tell where I was in the building because she could hear my laugh long before she saw me. (My laugh is, arguably, my loudest form of self-expression). I'm a huge proponent of positive psychology and all it has to offer.

These are all things I'm proud of.

But lately, almost two years into a pandemic, I'm finding it much harder to put on a happy face, and I'm finding that I feel "out of sorts," as my mom would say, more often than usual. I'm fortunate in that my feelings are more garden variety grumpiness and impatience than anything more serious, but there are days when I find my non-giggles persona worrisome. 

Last night, I stumbled across this article in one of my favorite resources, Greater Good Magazine. It is perhaps the best article I've read on that site and, most definitely, one of the best articles I've read in months. It is powerful, realistic, and incredibly timely. It can be briefly summed up by the famous quote from Squire Bill Widener, "Do what you can, with what you've got, where you are," but it's so much more. 

Read it, no matter how you feel, and no matter how you feel about positive psychology. You'll be glad you did.

Be careful out there, and take care of yourselves. 

Friday Feature: Flourishing

I've been reading a lot about happiness lately. It's not an unusual topic for me to be reading about, since I'm fascinated by positive psychology and teach a first year seminar in which we explore happiness, but it also feels timely.

Happiness isn't an elusive, ephemeral thing we have to wait for, like a butterfly lighting on our shoulder. It's something we can pursue, a fact that the founders of our country clearly understood.

But even those who study positive psychology don't think of life as a happy-happy-joy-joy existence 24/7. Instead, positive psychologists talk about flourishing, something that's possible to do even when we don't feel particularly joyous. And, because flourishing has multiple elements, it offers multiple angles in and, perhaps most important, more than one road to happiness.

As I type this, I am literally on the road, farther away from home than I've been in close to 70 days. Today, as we help my daughter move out of college housing for the last time, it's about relationships, engagement and meaning -- all aspects that contribute to flourishing, connection and, even in these troubling times, happiness.

Which road will you take?

Friday Feature: Happiness, Productivity, and Technology

Lately, I've been reading a lot about happiness. I finished Shawn Achor's The Happiness Advantage and have now dug into his sister Amy Blankson's The Future of Happiness, in which she talks about balancing productivity and well-being. Much of Blankson's work is at the intersection of happiness and technology.

Today, I decided to look up some of her work outside the book I'm reading and I found an article she wrote last year for the National Day of Unplugging. (I didn't know there was such a thing!)

The National Day of Unplugging is the first Friday in March but really, except for the solidarity of not being alone without one's phone, couldn't it be any day?

Well, maybe not today, you're saying, because....

Yeah. Me too. While wrapping up my online classes might be a legitimate excuse not to unplug from my laptop, I could still unplug from my phone. Or my iPad. How much unplugging are we talking about here?

This is the kind of stuff Blankson writes about. She's not out to take your phone away -- in fact, she has a lot of good things to say about technology and all it has to offer, and she's upfront about liking it herself.

So, even though I might have spent a little too much time on the Hubspot Out of Office Email Generator -- or maybe, in part, because of that, I'm going to keep reading.

Taking Charge

Today, I decided to take the morning off. Admittedly, a rather large chunk of the morning was already gone when I decided to do this. As a non-morning person who stays up much too late without the constraints of getting up and actually leaving the house to nudge her to bed at a reasonable hour, I've been an even later riser lately than I usually am.

Still, I determined that what was left of the morning was mine to do with as I saw fit. No deadlines. No e-mail, no planning, no shoulds. I had spent more than ten hours of my Sunday on work-related projects and claiming a small chunk of a prime weekday time when I'm not yet exhausted and cranky seemed not only reasonable, but justified.

Something about this decision -- this assertion of control -- was freeing on this gray, rainy, tenth day of at-homeness. I walked right past things that didn't interest me and sought out those more likely to lift my mood. In short, I bypassed all the things that I'll eventually add to my to-do list, poured myself a glass of iced tea, and scanned my shelves for just the right book.

I settled on two of them. I kicked things off with some lighthearted musings from Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella (a beach book in both theme and place of purchase -- an extra bonus) and after a few of these, moved on to one of my favorite happiness researchers.

Slowly, despite the weather, the news, the politics, my fears, and my self-imposed social isolation, my internal fog began to lift. In part, it was the material but it was also the act of taking charge.

I don't like feeling helpless and I have little patience for pity parties that go on longer than about five minutes, yet there I was. One small step -- a reminder that I was in charge of my day, my mood, and everything within my immediate environment -- was enough to set me back on track. A little bit of an escape, a little bit of knowledge and a little bit of downtime.

I love what I do which, under normal circumstances, makes it all too easy to spend a massive chunk of my waking hours working. And I want to do what I do well, which adds more than a touch of perfectionism to the equation. Factor in being homebound and subjected to a slew of news items and pandemic-related emails floating across my computer screen while I work and it's a recipe for an internal grayness that rivals the sky outside my window.

But pity parties aren't my thing. Instead, that last sentence inspired me to take one more action before I get serious about the days work.

Get the news off my computer dock.

Nothing like exerting a little influence over one's day.

Friday Feature: Happiness and The Wizard of Oz

As I set out to find an article for today's post, I had a few criteria in mind.

It couldn't have anything to do with the coronavirus. In fact, I'd prefer it didn't even start with the letter C.

It couldn't be depressing, frightening or otherwise cringe-worthy. (See what I mean about C-words!)

It should be uplifting, but not saccharine; hopeful, but not preachy.

So, I googled one of my favorite positive psychology gurus, certain he'd have something.

He didn't disappoint.

And so, without further fanfare, I bring you Shawn Achor's "5 Things You Need to be Happy," all of which can be found in the relative comfort of your own home.

At a time when happiness perhaps seems far away, I find it comforting to know that relative happiness remains within reach or, to quote The Wizard of Oz, "Everything you were looking for was right there with you all along.

Stay safe and be happy.

Friday Feature: Get Happy

There's no denying it's been a tough news week and perhaps an even tougher week for IRAs and 401Ks. It's frighteningly easy to become overwhelmed by it all and adopt a negative outlook, especially since we, as humans, are predisposed to see the negative.

Luckily, there's a ready antidote: positivity. Happiness researchers have postulated that we are in control of almost half of our own happiness. While critics point to this as an oversimplification, then bottom line is that we aren't victims. We can improve our own wellbeing.

Want to know more? Check out this article on the habits of happy people.

Because everyone can use a little happy in their day.

Friday Feature: Projecting Positivity

This semester, I'm teaching a course in positive psychology. As you can imagine, it's a lot of fun. What's not to like about going to work and focusing on ways to make ourselves happier and to make life better? It also helps to have a class made up of students who want to be there and who, every class, raise excellent questions and insights.

Curious about what those life-improving things might be? Check out this quick read from Happify on "13 Proven Ways to Project Positive Energy."

Happy Friday!

Claiming Time

Pixel2013 via Pixabay

About a week ago, I needed to (once again) have a little chat with myself. It was a familiar chat -- the one about not having to be SuperWoman -- but historically, I've been a poor listener when it comes to that topic.

Lately, though, I've really been feeling the crunch. I've always said yes to too many things and I've always been able to (somehow) make it all work. But recently, the line between wanting 36-hour days and needing them has become a thin one. When I stumbled across a line in a magazine (thank you, Live Happy!) and found myself, I decided it was time to take stock.

A recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that despite rising income and wealth globally, the stress of having very little free time contributes to reduced happiness, poor sleep and eating habits, and higher levels of anxiety.

Like everyone else, I have free time. I'm not going nonstop from the moment I rise to the moment I fall into bed. But am I using my free time well?

I am not.

I can't add any more hours to my days (and I'm not really sure I want to), but I can purposefully stake my claim to a portion of the hours I do have. Staking my claim to that time doesn't mean squeezing in a little more work, even if it's work I love. It means taking time for intentional down time.

Intentional down time isn't the same as putting unexpected moments to good use (that means it's
not checking my email on my phone while I wait in line at Starbucks), nor is it mindlessly engaging in an activity, (so it's not losing track of time while I play games on another electronic device as I watch late night television or binge-watch The West Wing either).

Intentional down time is exactly what it sounds like: carving out downtime (even if it's less than an hour) and choosing what I will do with it.

Some days, the carving is the hard part -- actually putting downtime on the list. Other days (usually weekends), deciding how I want to use the time is the hard part. It seems I'm never at a loss for choices.

A funny thing has happened since I started trying to reclaim some snippets of free time  -- my creativity has stirred. As it turns out, there seems to be a connection between taking time for myself and coming up with topics (besides taking time for myself) for my blog posts. When I allow my brain some down time, it's pretty talented at putting it to good use.

All the more reason to continue this downtime habit.

It's actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. I'm not naive enough to believe there won't still be busy times where I'm reduced to playing Words with Friends while binge watching reruns, but I like using time for stuff I want to do instead of just stuff I have to do. In fact, I highly recommend it.

So, please -- join me. Pull up a book and a chair and enjoy some quiet time. You'll be glad you did.

Friday Feature: Think Positive

I love positive psychology. I mean, what could be more fun than reading about happiness and optimism and then, on top of that, finding out that they're good for you?

Okay, that last part isn't so surprising. And yet it is.

The impact of all of this positivity is far-reaching, impacting not just our mood, but our health and longevity as well.

Want to know how to leverage all of this great stuff and use it to slow the aging process? Check out this article from Inc.

And have a happy day.

Is Everybody Happy?

livehappy.com

Are you happy?

In the first year seminar I teach, we spend a lot of time talking about happiness. We read Gretchen Rubin's book, The Happiness Project, analyzing the strategies she employs to inject a bit more happiness into what she readily admits at the outset is a pretty happy life. 

Rubin has done her homework and, as a result, her strategies are wrapped in a research-based package. Using Rubin's book as a jumping off point, we investigate happiness from a social science perspective, looking at happiness through the lens of positive psychology. As we discuss the author's month-by-month goals, we develop our own, and the students conclude the unit--and the semester-- with happiness projects of their own. 

These are, as you can imagine, a joy to read. They arrive in PowerPoints and Prezis, posters and scrapbooks. Last semester, I even got a jar filled with daily observations. 

From The How of Happiness
by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Happiness is a funny thing. Very much within our control, it nevertheless eludes many of us. Some folks are mired in circumstances that seem to push happiness out of reach. Others consider such pursuits frivolous. And, in many cases, as we bend our heads and put our noses to the grindstone, we fail to see the happiness that would encompass us if we'd only lift our heads. 

Despite the fact that happiness has health and longevity benefits, many are afraid to pursue it, believing, perhaps, that it's a childish thing that belongs back in the recess yard with jump ropes, swing sets and tetherball poles.

And that, to me, is sad.

A wonderful thing happens when my students and I dissect happiness. We--all of us, including the instructor--find myriad things to be happy about. Admittedly, these are young people, not many years removed from that recess yard, but they, too are mired. They have jobs and loans and full course loads, some of which require them to put in longer hours than they ever will once they're gainfully employed at just one job. They work, they worry, they study, they stress. 

Finding happiness in the midst of this can be challenging, but discovering what makes them happy as individuals, whether it's gratitudes or platitudes or figuring out how to balance their crazy schedules-- becomes a tool that counterbalances the worry and the stress. More important, it becomes a life lesson. Happiness matters, and taking charge of their own happiness is just as important as managing time and money and creating a balance between work and play. And when all of these things are wrapped up together and tied with a bow, some might call that success.

Are you happy? And, if you aren't, what would change that?

Friday Feature: Self-Evaluation

This semester, I'm once again teaching a first year seminar where we're talking about things like success, perfection and happiness. My goal isn't just to get my students to think about these things and learn about them, but also to get them to think about themselves in relation to these things and to maybe discover a little something about who they are, and who they want to be in the process.

As a result, I'm compiling quite a collection of articles toward that end. This one, from Dan Waldschmidt's blog, was posted last New Year's Eve -- a great time for introspection and personal reflection.

But what if we don't have to be college freshmen to ask ourselves these questions? What if we don't simply reassess around the start of a new year?

How would you answer these ten questions?

Friday Feature: Success and Happiness

Source: Happify

Have you ever had a rough day, only to find yourself laughing in spite of yourself when someone catches you off guard? Alternatively, have you ever wanted to do bodily harm to someone who blithely told you to "cheer up" when you were upset about something?

Can we control our happiness?

As it turns out, yes, we can -- at least in part. Although genetics and personality factor into how happy we naturally are, nearly half of our happiness is within our control. The ways in which we think, feel and act form attitudes that contribute to our overall state of mind.

In addition to simply making us feel good, happiness can also contribute to our overall success. Placing too much emphasis on end results and not enough on enjoying where we are in the here and now is detrimental not only to our happiness, but to our success as well.

When you think about it, it's kind of nice that something that feels so good can also be good for us. And, the fact that we have an element of control over it is a nice bonus as well.

So, what are you waiting for? Don't worry. Be happy.

Friday Freebie: Doing Good is Good

gdd.goodnet.org

Did you know that there's a global Good Deeds Day? And that it's celebrating its tenth anniversary in a little over a month?

Even better, did you know that doing good is good for you? Study after study confirms that helpful people are happy people.

So, if you're feeling down in the dumps today, check out the happy links above, or, for a daily fix, sign up for daily e-newsletters from Happify.com to give yourself a little taste of happy every day.

Have a happy weekend.