The Porch Swing Chronicles: What if the Next Logical Step is the Right One?

The day I wrote my empty nesters post (or maybe it was the day after), my daughter got a job offer, which she immediately accepted. Her start time was almost as immediate, and the search for a place of her own three-and-a-half hours away from home began.

Her imminent departure hit me in waves. One minute I was in practical mode adding things to the grocery list so the pantry won’t be empty in her new apartment and in the next, I was overcome by a wave of emotion and it was all I could do not to pull up a chair and dissolve into sobs.

It's ridiculous really. This is what we’ve been training for for over 24 years. This is what she’s been hoping for and driving for since college graduation. It’s not a surprise.

But it all happened so fast. My normally contemplative daughter accepted the offer moments after the words traveled across the phone line and we had less than two weeks to get her relocated. The fact that I refer to this as "our" task and not hers is even more evidence of where her once empty-nest-resolved mother is emotionally.

Two years ago, I would have taken this more in stride. Accustomed to her living away from home, even as far away as Ireland, I would not only have seen this as the next logical step, I would have felt it as such, too. But when the pandemic sent her back home for two years, I embraced her return and lost sight of the next logical step.

Yesterday, we got her settled into her temporary lodging. Today she started her job. I haven't fallen asleep not counting fears for two weeks.

I'm not usually an "if only" kind of person, but "if only" has been a recurring theme. And tonight, when she called us to fill us in on her first day, the most important "if only" zoomed past all the worries and introspection.

She sounded happy.

If only she is happy (and healthy), then I can adjust. After all, that's what we've been preparing her for.