Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Friday, January 25, 2019

Friday Feature: Managing Grief


In a perfect world, I'd wake up when I wake up, ease slowly into the morning, and get my pre-planned blog posts written and posted by noon.

In the real world there are alarm clocks (and, thank God, snooze alarms), day jobs, and mornings that move at a pace that's less than leisurely. These are the days in which I live, and so these are the circumstances under which I plan and create my blog posts, often (usually) hours after the ideal world time frame.

This used to annoy me and cause me stress but, over time, I've learned that delays aren't always bad -- some of them have given me my best material.

Today was one of those days. I had an article all picked out for today's post but, while I was waiting in the drive-through line at Starbucks, I checked Facebook and saw a post from a grieving friend. I sent hugs and when I logged out of Facebook, I popped over to Twitter where the first thing I saw was an article on coping with grief.

Sometimes, the "meant to be" is so loud it's impossible to miss.

In "9 Ways Therapists Personally Deal with Grief," Ali Drucker delivers sound advice in a gentle tone that boils down to the idea that grief is nothing if not personal. There is no time frame carved in stone, no recipe offering a teaspoon of this and a heaping cup of that because what I need a teaspoon of you might need a cup of and vice versa. Grief changes; it ebbs and flows, all but disappearing one day only to reemerge as a tsunami the next and no one -- no one -- can tell us the right way to manage it because there is no one right way.

Needless to say, I shared the link with my friend. I also bookmarked the article. In a perfect world, we wouldn't need to keep something like this handy but grief, along with alarm clocks, day jobs and things that don't go as planned, is an inescapable part of life. And, when we find something that might help ease the pain, even just a little, it's worth hanging on to, especially when it recognizes that the recipe is ours to create.

Friday, December 18, 2015

When Happy + Holidays Isn't Happening

facebook.com
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! How 'bout those Starbucks cups?

Wait -- don't go away. If there's no happy in your holiday, no merry in your Christmas and you couldn't care less what Starbucks puts on their cups, this post is for you.

What if you simply can't make the holidays happy?

Yesterday, when I got the bill to repair my daughter's water- damaged laptop, happy would not be the word I'd use to describe my Christmas countdown. In fact, as the person who knocked over the water that damaged the laptop, I had a pretty nice self-pity party.

And then I remembered. It's only money. Not that money doesn't matter -- especially now, as families attempt to deck halls and trim trees and light candles and purchase presents -- but it matters less than a lot of things. People, for example.

Sometimes, we can't just write a check and make everything all better. Even if money is no object, no matter how big the check, it won't bring back an estranged spouse, a lost child, a beloved parent. And while it can be tempting to just close our eyes and take a long winter's nap until the holidays pass, finding the bittersweet spot between what happy holidays has always meant and what it means this year might just be a better idea.

But don't take my word for it. Take it from someone who knows. In her Huffington Post blog, Dr. Gloria Horsley shares not only the slow thaw that is holiday grief (over a period of years), but her own experience as well. More than thirty years after the death of her son, she's still lighting candles in his memory, but now, it's more about remembering in love than wincing in pain.

If your idea of decking the halls requires these,
you're not alone.
(Photo: Pixabay)
This Christmas, I'm feeling blessed. Aside from the hole in my checking account to restore my daughter's damaged laptop, life is good.

But just because that's true for me -- this year -- that doesn't mean it's true for everyone. 'Tis the season to be kind, whether it means driving a little less aggressively or understanding when someone can't return our smile or well wishes. Go forth and spread joy!

But aim for compassion when others can't do the same.