Change

 Starbucks has changed their chai recipe -- substantially -- and I am not happy. My "usual," which has always been reasonably predictable in its flavor, is now a wild card as I conduct daily experiments to adjust the formula to my liking. At this point, I've gotten close, but only when I make substitutions that significantly drive up the cost of my beverage.

First world problem, I know. And if this is the worst thing I have to deal with, I'm exceedingly fortunate. But change is challenging, and disappointment is, well, disappointing.

By definition, change disrupts the status quo. This can be good, bad, or a combination of both. On the up side, it can lead us in novel and maybe even exciting directions, provide us with new opportunities, and make life better. On the down side, it can be uncomfortable, scary, and, yes, disappointing.

Several years ago, I decided to practice saying no. I had gotten so quick with my yeses that my schedule was overbooked and many of the the things that had made it onto my calendar were things for which I didn't have tremendous enthusiasm. So, I decided to really think before adding something new. 

Then COVID hit, and everything became a no. I'd had some practice by then, so those a lot of those nos were easier to cope with. 

But it took me a long time to come back to yes. Anxiety nurtured in isolation hung around for quite some time until "no" became my default. During this time, I (like everyone else) got older, and before I knew it, I'd reached an age where a lot of previous yeses felt less possible. 

This year, I decided to practice saying yes, this time with the wisdom gleaned from choosing my yeses a bit more discerningly. The motivation here had more to do with not aging prematurely than an actual need for change, although there was definitely at least a smattering of the latter.

Choosing change means embracing our fears -- or at least deciding which fears are more of an obstacle than a safety net. When my daughter was a teenager, I remember having a conversation with her about calculated risks; suddenly, I needed to apply that idea to myself.

Change can be simple. A new laundry detergent, route to work, or formula for an old favorite. Some changes inspire regret or disappointment, but others make things better. And often, the only way to know which is which is to take a leap of faith. My willingness to do just that has enriched my life with quite a few experiences in the past few months that have made it clear that even a scary yes can be a good thing.

As for the simpler change that is my chai, I don't know how much longer I'll have the patience to keep tinkering, especially since I could save a lot of money and calories by simply walking away. But all my yeses and nos have taught me that sometimes, growing pains are inevitable, and only we can decide whether or not the change is one worth making. Fortunately, most of the time, today's "no" can still turn into tomorrow's "yes" -- and vice versa. 

We just have to be willing to make the decision that works best for us.