I deserve it

boaphotostudio via Pixabay

 I’ve developed a really nice morning routine that includes two different kinds of journaling. One is my gratitude journal, adapted from a format that I found on Pinterest and the other is a prompt from a book that takes only a moment to respond to, but that often gets my day started on a positive note.

Occasionally, though, I have trouble with one of the prompts, which is what happened one day last week. The gist was that I buy myself flowers and then jot down why I deserved them.

It’s a great idea in theory (unless you're allergic or don't happen to like flowers). Maybe it’s the psych instructor in me that’s picking at its loose threads but, as I wrote my reply, I found myself wondering how healthy that mindset is. 

Ironically, I had treated myself that day, although not with flowers, so here’s what I wrote:

I did myself one better – I took advantage of Starbucks BOGO Thurs-yay and got both a hot chai and a cold one. I don’t need a reason to treat myself well. In fact that rationale (“I deserve it“) is at the root of many bad habits.

As I said, I think it’s the psych instructor (or counselor) in me that found the flaws in an otherwise harmless prompt suggestion. Or maybe it’s the person who spent the last 2 1/2 years trying to undo that sort of thinking around food and, more recently, spending. 

Thoughts like "I had a rough day. I deserve a cookie (or a glass of wine, or an expensive treat)" seem harmless enough. But, not only can thoughts become habits, they can also lead us to believe that we have to justify doing something nice for ourselves, a mindset that can lead us away from self-care, rather than toward it.

Why do we have to earn nice things or fun things or delicious things? Conversely, and perhaps more concerning, what if we think we don’t deserve those things?

In fairness, I think that’s what the prompt was trying to get at -- that we should treat ourselves well and we should treat ourselves to nice things sometimes. But I think when we start to look at it through the lens of whether or not we deserve it, that’s where trouble comes in.

My value as a person should not be contingent upon how much work I’ve done, how much weight I’ve lost, how productive I've been, how clean and organized my house is, or any of the myriad things upon which I may judge myself (or fear that others are judging me). We are valuable just because we are and we don’t have to earn nice things by outward behaviors or accomplishments. 

Or, at least that’s how I see it.

I’ll say this much for that prompt. It definitely made me think. Can't wait to read the next one.