Still Pondering Perfectionism

geralt via Pixabay

Last week, as I was listening to one of the 17 books (not a made-up number -- I counted) I'm currently dabbling in on Audible, it hit me that something I thought I had under control was, in fact, a contributor to the grumpiness I'd been unable to shake of late. The culprit?

Perfectionism.

I've long categorized myself as a recovering perfectionist, so I'm well-informed on the topic. I even teach about it and write about it, regularly reminding myself in the process of the traps I want to avoid. And, I'm pretty successful in avoiding them most of the time, or at least catching myself before I'm down the rabbit hole.

Imagine my surprise when I realized I'd taken up residence there.

I've long believed that I hold only myself to excessively high standards but, in the too-close-for-comfort scenario that has been the last year of everybody-work-from-home, nobody-has-a-regular-schedule, why-can't-I-get-any-quiet living, I've become increasingly annoyed by the breaking of rules I didn't even know I had. A byproduct of this has been snapping at people for things that really aren't snap-worthy. This happens partly because they're not doing it right (imagine that) and partly because I'm unhappy that I'm not living up to my own unrealistic standards, leading that frustration to boil over onto other people.

Just me?

This isn't new. I've caught myself in the act before, and there wasn't even a pandemic to blame. But the fact that we're all in such close quarters magnifies the harshness of my reactions, and the absence of time to myself to chill and reset leaves me wallowing in my own self-loathing when I realize there was definitely a nicer way to say what I just said.

Do I have a right to be annoyed? Sure. Do I have to be nice all the time? Of course not. (There's that perfectionistic all-or-nothing thinking!) But my current response style isn't making me any happier than it's making anyone else, and so it's time for a change.

Ironically, it was writing last Monday's post that put me on the path to discovering the culprit and working all of this out -- writing's funny that way. Figuring out that perfectionism was burying me in the rabbit hole led me to scroll right past the books I'd been listening to on Audible and settle instead on The Pursuit of Perfect for a little problem-solving.

It's been almost a week, and I'm feeling much better. Relaxing my standards for me and those around me, combined with simply focusing on being kind has made a big difference.

Sometimes, good enough really is. Recognizing this can lead us to take the things that matter -- including our relationships -- closer to perfection.