Janet Jackson, Stephen Covey and the Serenity Prayer

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Anyone else feeling grumpy? I am beginning to annoy myself -- I can only imagine how my family feels.

Over the weekend, it occurred to me that it was a matter of control. I feel a profound sense of frustration over everything that's going on. Specifically, I'm angry and upset that my health depends not only on the choices I make, but on the decisions other people make. These feelings have triggered a sense of helplessness that I was unintentionally combatting by trying to re-establish control wherever I could.

In other words, I was minding everyone else's business. 

It's a counseling truism that we can control only ourselves. Most of the time, I accept this and am not frightened by it. 

Right now, however, is not most of the time but still, the statement remains true. I can control only myself. I can attempt to influence, educate, enlighten, persuade or even strong-arm others, but I can't control them. I can't make them do anything, whether it's folding the towels the way I like them, respecting the decisions I make without rolling their eyes, or letting me teach from the safety of my home.

Clearly, some of these things are more important than others, but the path to dealing with all of them is the same. Embrace the Serenity Prayer: accept the things I cannot change, change those I can, recognize the difference...

...and stop tilting at windmills. Or grimacing at the towels.   

Yesterday, I sat down and put some Stephen Covey knowledge to work. I sketched out my circles: my circle of concern and my circle of influence, reminding myself for the umpteenth time that there is no circle of control. I can expand my circle of influence by controlling the things in my own little corner of the world, but I can't wave a magic wand and turn it into a circle of control. 

Franklin Covey

Drawing it all out and writing all my concerns down was cathartic. But it was also depressing. I can impact my own feelings of control by the actions I take and the decisions I make, but that's about as good as it gets.

Alrighty, then. Let's focus on that. 

So next, I jotted down what I do have the power to do. Again, it didn't make me omnipotent, but that's a lot of responsibility anyway. But it tilted things back into balance.

The list reminded me of something else I know but have shoved aside. I need to channel my energy into the things I can influence and stop wasting it on stupid stuff like worrying about what someone else will think. Similarly, I need to step back and let some things go because that, too, will increase my energy reserves for this battle.  

As Janet Jackson said, "This is a story about control." I can own it, or I can let it own me. One is infinitely more exhausting than the other. Recognizing the theme of the story has left me feeling lighter and, ironically, more influential. 

Even if there are still big things I cannot change.