The Glum-Drums

For the past two days, I've woken up feeling glum. Though I'm not a morning person at all, I'm usually a pretty upbeat, positive person, so I immediately began searching for possible reasons.

Maybe I'd had a bad dream. That happens sometimes. I wake up feeling vaguely anxious and/or upset and, although I can't remember the dream, I have a hazy awareness of it.

The gray weather was definitely a contender. It feels as though we haven't seen the sun in weeks, although I think it did make a token appearance last week.

Or perhaps it was the book I'd stayed up (too late) to finish the night before. Although beautifully written, it was haunting and had themes I usually find disturbing. Maybe those had lingered and, combined with not quite enough sleep, were leaving me feeling a little haunted still.

It could have been Mom worry. My daughter is pretty self-sufficient, so that's not usually an issue but, sometimes, the geographical distance between us leaves me a little melancholy.

Or maybe it was the news. In an effort to stay well-informed, I watch it twice nightly -- national news at 6:30 and local news at 11 -- a habit I got into when my mom was sick and I'd visit my parents and follow their television schedule.

While it was probably a combination of all of the above, I suspect the news is the biggest offender. Between the political landscape and the financial landscape, sprinkled with updates on the coronavirus, not only is there very little to celebrate, but I'm also feeling a bit frightened by how little control we have over all of it.

So, tonight, I attempted to fast from the news. It is Ash Wednesday after all, a day of fasting and prayer. I say "attempted" because these things are on everyone else's minds, too, and they have a way of creeping into the conversation, whether in real life or in social media.

Luckily, the other half of today's focus is prayer -- something which allows me to let go of some of the anxiety and upset. So, while I'll still try to be smart enough to take a break from the news, stop reading haunting books at bedtime and continue to look for sunshine wherever I can find it, I'll also hand off my fears to God. Sometimes, they still linger, but I can always ask for the strength to let go and let God.

And, in the meantime, I can be grateful for all that I have. I know that might sound Pollyanna-ish or even make you want to roll your eyes, but it's worth a shot (and, for those who care, it has research support). Yesterday, I challenged myself to come up with ten things I was grateful for and, although the actual sun didn't come out, I felt a little sunnier.

It's so easy to get dragged down by what ifs and what might be -- so easy to give in to the glum.

And so important to find everything good there is in the moment we are in, even if it means tilting the scales in our favor by not watching the news.