Friday Feature: Take a Break

 The older I get, the more I value breaks. I don't mean vacations (although those are wonderful), but rather simple breaks during the day that allow me to recharge and relax my brain.

I'm not sure that relaxing the brain is a real thing -- in fact, I'm pretty sure it's not -- but a good break can leave me feeling as though I've done just that. The break can be fun (a book, a puzzle, a silly iPad game) or productive in its own right (washing dishes, moving laundry from the washer to the dryer, clearing clutter from a surface). It just has to be noticeably different from the thing I'm doing.

Or supposed to be doing.

Breaks are brain broadeners. When we allow ourselves to step away and just be, we often return to what we're doing not only recharged but with answers to tricky questions or even brand new ideas. It's as though we've let fresh air and sunshine in, blowing away the exhaustion and frustration we can feel after spending too long hyperfocusing on one task. 

Want a second opinion? Check out this article in the New York Times.

Go ahead. Take a break. You'll be glad you did.

Friday Feature: COVID Vaccine Myths and Facts: Some Good Sources

Yesterday, I read an article in the New York Times about the anger that vaccinated people are feeling about going backwards. We've followed the rules. We've done things "right" and now, despite that, we're not only back to masking and fear, we're feeling helpless. 

I'm not angry, exactly, but I am frustrated. I want to stop wearing masks. I want to teach my classes without fear of illness (mine or theirs). I want people to stop dying from this disease. I want those who can take the vaccine to get vaccinated so we can reach herd immunity and go back to something resembling a normal life. 

As an educator, I'm big on information. So, today (tonight, actually, as I postponed writing this), I'm going to share a variety of sources addressing the myths surrounding vaccines. I cannot even imagine being a person of color and taking a leap of faith that this time, the system is trustable. I can't imagine being afraid of needles but getting one anyway. 

But, I also can't imagine dying from this disease, alone and afraid, when there's a viable alternative.

I can only hope that reading the facts helps someone, and that is my goal here. I don't want to take away anyone's rights, but I'd like to have a few of my own back. 

If you've got a great source I missed (credible, science-based), please include it in the comments. No one should ever take medication without knowing the facts and I hope those provided here make the medicine easier to take in order to protect those who truly cannot be vaccinated. 

From Healthline: "Here's How it Was Possible to Develop COVID Vaccines so Quickly"

From the CDC: "Key Things to Know About COVID-19 Vaccines"

From the Mayo Clinic: "COVID-19 Vaccines: Get the Facts"

From Johns Hopkins: "COVID-19 Vaccines: Myth vs. Fact"

From University of Missouri: "The COVID-19 Vaccine: Myths vs. Facts"

Thanks for reading. Back to my regular, non-political posts next week.

Friday Feature: A Few Miscellaneous Lessons

One necessary task that I shortchange on a regular basis is the weeding of my inbox. While I will never be an inbox zero girl, I do make some attempt to whip the virtual piles into shape, especially when I have time off. While I was doing this last night, I came across a fun article from The New York Times on things we learned in 2020. 

Wait!! 

Before you groan and/or roll your eyes and/or stop reading, it's not one of those growing-through-adversity pieces. Instead, it's called "7 Wonderful Non-Covid Things we Learned in 2020," and it pulls together things like complaining, procrastinating, saving money and whether or not you should leave your phone plugged in all day. 

Y'know. Useful stuff. (Which is probably why it's in the "Smarter Living" section).

To be honest, I haven't read the whole thing. I've decided to read it in sections, based on the topic. Even though it's short, each section has links and I find each one interesting enough to follow the links instead of zipping through the article and checking it off my list. I started with the section on charging cell phones and I'm not sure which section I'll read next (you might have noted that I put off reading the section on procrastination). I like it when articles are arranged so I can read them in snippets of time because sometimes that's all I have.

And I will read the section on procrastination. Eventually.

Friday Feature: Three Simple Steps

I miss dinner with friends. And hugs. And conversations that don’t take place with a computer screen for both mood lighting and disinterested third party.

When it comes to COVID safety, I tend to err on the side of caution (my daughter calls this "paranoid.") As for my friends, they're all over the spectrum. Some are more cautious, some are less cautious, and some are risk-takers. Staying busy and connected is key, perhaps especially so for those who struggle with mental health issues; while it's important to stay physically safe, too much silence and solitude can take their toll on psychological well-being.

If you’re wondering whether you’re playing it too safe, not safe enough, or somewhere in between, check out this article from the New York Times, which acknowledges the importance of balance as we weigh our choices. For me, it validated a concept I wasn’t even fully aware I was doing, which is budgeting my exposure time.

You know something else I miss? My daughter believing that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to the precautions I take. Maybe showing her this article will help.

Stay safe.

Friday Feature: Pondering Pandemic Productivity (or the lack thereof)

It's after 4:30 on Friday afternoon and I'm just sitting down to write this post, trying to squeeze it in before my family returns from an errand, ready for the dinner/Target ritual we've been able to maintain in spite of the pandemic.

In spite of the pandemic.

In the past seven months, a lot has fallen by the wayside. Time and a desire not to descend into self-pity, (along with a certainty that you know what I mean) prevent me from going into detail here and now. Still, I can't help but notice that eleventh-hour posts on this and my Organizing by STYLE blog have become more the norm than the exception, and that my writing, once front and center, has taken a serious back seat to, well, everything else.

I haven't lost my motivation entirely, nor can I say I'm not being productive. I can, however, say that everything seems to take longer, require more effort and, in the process, offer less joy than before. 

And I'm exhausted.

Lest you think this is a self-pity party, let me reassure you. It's an introduction -- my way of tossing out a question ubiquitous on social media.

Just me?

Apparently not. In his article, "7 Months Into the Pandemic and I'm Losing Motivation. Help!" Tim Herrera points out that expecting to be productive and motivated under the crushing weight of everything that's going on is, perhaps, expecting too much.

A bit deeper into the article, Dr. Danielle Hairston nails it (in my mind, anyway) in a single sentence. "This country is going through a collective grief."

Grief doesn't motivate us. It doesn't make us productive. It makes it hard to get out of bed, and it makes us less patient with delays and processes, ourselves and those around us. It makes us feel as though everything takes longer, requires more effort and offers up less joy in the process.

So perhaps we need to be a bit kinder and gentler, not only to others, but to ourselves as well. It's easy to say, hard to do and, arguably, incredibly necessary. Taking just a moment for mindfulness, gratitude or even to throw a masked smile in the direction of a stranger (or an unmasked one in the direction of a loved one) might give that motivation the booster shot it needs.

It certainly couldn't hurt.

Friday Feature: The Joy of Failure

In my First Year Seminar, we are reading Carol Dweck's Mindset and today, we talked about failure résumés. Technically, they're not a part of Dweck's work but they fit into the topic beautifully.

Then this evening when, at the end of a very long, very off-kilter week, I realized that I hadn't posted yet (another word Dweck is fond of), I came across this article on the benefits of set-backs, particularly early in a career.

Sometimes, the perfect resource lands just as perfectly.

I certainly don't fit the "early in my career" designation, but I'm a big believer in learning from what went wrong, a characteristic Carol Dweck attributes to those with a growth mindset. When we take time to assess our failures and setbacks, Dweck (and others) assert, we can use them as learning experiences in an endeavor to do better next time.

Does this mean we should run headlong into failure? Maybe. But, more likely, it means that we shouldn't fear failure. I love the description of failures as data because I can't think of a better way to de-personalize something that feels entirely -- and often painfully -- personal. When we can think of the endeavor as less-than-perfect (or even failed if that is indeed the case), it doesn't sap our sense of self but rather, it frees us up to troubleshoot, plan and establish new goals and new directions.

While the world (or our little corner of it, at least) would be a whole lot more comfortable if we always succeeded, our world gains depth and breadth when we have the courage to take a leap, even it if means we might fail.

Friday Feature: Life Unplugged

Want to be calmer, more productive and more creative?

Turn off your phone.

In her article, "Stop Letting Modern Distractions Steal Your Attention," Anna Goldfarb discusses the benefits of being inaccessible -- at least from time to time -- in a world that increasingly values 24-7 access. And, as someone who gets her best ideas in the shower, I found myself nodding along with the piece (which includes an explanation of why we get our best ideas in the shower).

Don't get me wrong. I love my phone. Ditto my MacBook and my iPad. Yet every week, when the usage statistics update, I cringe a little. I can't help but wonder what else I could have been accomplishing in all of those hours spent scrolling through social media or playing silly games late at night on my iPad.

Some of my online time is legitimate. I post six blogs a week and the courses I teach not only have an online interface but also require email contact with students and other staff members.

And yet....

A few semesters ago, I required my students to unplug fully -- not only no cell phones, but no laptops, tablets or other electronic devices -- during class unless we were using electronics for an in-class activity. I do the same, keeping my phone tucked in my bag most days or, if I've pulled it out to check campus emails for attendance purposes, face down on the podium. I'm not thoroughly unplugged, I guess, since I use PowerPoints in class, but during the time I'm teaching, my focus is fully on the material and at the students sitting in front of me and I ask the same from them in return.

And a funny thing happened. Discussions improved. More questions were asked. I actually saw the whites of their eyes, even during those weeks when the whites of their eyes were a bit bloodshot from lack of sleep.

Does every student comply 100% of the time? Of course not. But do I have fewer students whose eyes dart to a classmate's laptop screen to see what they're watching on Netflix while I'm teaching?

Yep.

japyassu via Pixabay

Our electronics are a marvelous tool, but it's so easy for them to train our brains to seek out patterns that short circuit critical thinking, creativity and long-term focus, not to mention social interaction. While I'm not ready to give up my phone for days at a time, short-term unplugging sounds like good thing to try, especially with so much evidence for the benefits of doing just that.

And perhaps a weekend is the perfect time to give this experiment a try.

Friday Feature: Snowplow Parents

My Friday Feature posts began as what-I'm-reading-in-ten-minutes-or-less posts. Today, what I've been reading is exams -- the ones I'm creating for classes next week -- which means reading and posting are happening later than usual.

Luckily, a great piece arrived in my inbox earlier this week. You've heard of helicopter parents? This one's about snowplow parents.

Haven't heard of them? I hadn't either. But, once I read the article, I realized how appropriate the name is, and how it's not just parents who do it.

Snowplow parents, according to author Rachel Simmons, are the ones who clear their children's paths of any obstacles that could conceivably make life difficult. The problem is, they also remove learning opportunities as well.

Sparked by the college admissions scandal, Simmons' piece hit at the heart of my initial reaction to the whole thing. How could parents have so little faith in their own children that they had to pave the way to college in such an over-the-top, can't-take-any-chances fashion?

Perhaps it's more a way of life than a lack of faith but, either way, it removes responsibility for a fledgling young adult's first steps into the future from that young adult. As a parent, I find the message it sends, whether of entitlement or lack of faith, disturbing.

When we remove all foreseeable road blocks from our children's paths, we might perhaps make their lives easier, but how do they ever learn to plow their own snow if we're always doing it for them? What message do they get from us as parents about how we view their capabilities and culpabilities?

Don't get me wrong -- I'm fully in favor of helping people of any age who truly need an assist. But the first step in getting help is often knowing how to ask for it -- or knowing we need to ask for it at all. And, from my perspective, part of being an effective parent (or educator -- but that's another post) is knowing when to step in and when to step back.

And away from the snow plow.

Friday Feature: Mindfulness

Yesterday, we had Thanksgiving dinner at my sister and brother-in-law's house. When my husband, daughter, dad and I arrived, my niece took our coats and I plunked my purse, with my cell phone inside, onto a chair, which was where it stayed for the duration of our visit.

This was a conscious decision. At 57, I am as guilty of cell phone distractibility and overload as my students, who are more than three decades younger than I am. Thanksgiving, I decided, was not a day for cell phones.

That's not to say that I went electronics-free yesterday -- that would be a bold-faced lie. But it is true to say that I was mindful of my electronics usage, and that I chose times that I wanted to be in the moment. During those times, I wanted my cell phone out of sight, which also kept it (mostly) out of mind.

Mindfulness -- our focus on being fully present in the moment -- is a practice that's been getting a lot of favorable press, perhaps because in today's busy, electronically fueled world, it's especially hard to come by. Research has shown that mindfulness has health and wellness benefits even beyond stress reduction. In addition, practicing mindfulness helps us to cultivate it even in settings that can be stressful, such as the workplace.

Though I didn't think of it until I sat down to write this post, Thanksgiving was an especially good time to opt for being in the moment. I was seeing my family (who deserved my full attention) and opting to take a day off from work and its related activities -- that much I knew. But, in addition, Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season and, for me, the end of the semester, both of which can be stressful. Choosing to start this season with my full focus away from distractions -- things that are much lower on my priority list that the people who matter most -- might, perhaps set the tone for a holiday season where I choose to do more of the same.

Looking for ways to improve your mindfulness? Check out this article from the New York Times on increasing mindfulness at work and, perhaps follow up on some of its suggestions for improving your own ability to be mindful.

Who knows? Maybe that's the key to kicking off a season where we can truly focus on peace, love and joy.

Friday Feature: Attachment, Resilience and Immigration

As a parent, former school counselor and instructor of developmental psychology, I am horrified and heartbroken by the policy of separating immigrant children from their parents. As the battle rages over who started it, who prolonged it and who thinks everyone involved is a criminal, I'm sure of only one thing.

It needs to stop.

Not only is the penalty that these children are paying for a crime they didn't commit much too steep, but they -- and we -- will pay the price for this in the future as well. The connections children form with their parents lay the groundwork for future relationships -- how they interact with everyone around them from childhood onwards. A child who learns to trust and who grows up learning that when things go wrong, they can seek out a parent for comfort has a better chance of becoming a healthy, compassionate person -- and parent -- than one whose life has not provided him with these opportunities.

Think I'm a bleeding heart liberal? On this subject, I may be guilty as charged, but I have decades of psychological research to back me up. Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation, referenced in this great New York Times piece by Kate Murphy, provided clear evidence that handing a child over to a stranger for safekeeping is, from the child's perspective, nowhere near the same thing as being comforted and cared for by a parent.

Research on resilience begs to differ with this cruel policy as well. The #1 thing that helps kids bounce back after hardship? The same touchstone attachment researchers cite -- a nurturing relationship with a significant adult, usually a parent.

Please understand, I'm not saying that foster parents and adoptive parents cannot adequately care for children and develop deep, nurturing relationships with the children they have chosen to love and raise; these situations are entirely different from the disaster that is taking place daily in this country as children are ripped from their parents' arms. It takes a special kind of heartlessness to rip a sobbing, screaming child from the arms of his or her parents and, as if that's not enough cruelty for one day, to enter them into a "system" that has inadequate methods for checking in on the welfare of these innocent victims in the war on immigration.

Next Friday, I will return to a "regular" Friday Feature. But today...I just couldn't let this go.

Read Kate Murphy's piece. Please. And call your representative.

If we aren't willing to protect children, what have we come to?

Friday Feature: Paper Planners

Earlier this week, I wrote about my goal setting session and yesterday, I was all excited about my latest foray into technology. Although I get excited when the tech works in my favor, I am, at heart, a paper and pencil girl. I have five planners, and not a single one of them is electronic.

I know it's old school, but I also know I'm not alone. And, in case I need proof, this piece by Kristin Wong in none other than The New York Times cites not only people who agree with me, but also their reasons for doing so.

Similar to the book/Kindle argument, this one has passionate proponents on both sides. With which side do you align?

Saturday Special: Sooner is not Always Better

pixabay.com

Yes, I am profoundly aware of the irony of posting a link to an article on procrastination late. This one, however, was worth sharing regardless of the timing.

Unlike most articles, this piece from the New York Times about procrastinating on purpose is a great read for procrastinators and non-procrastinators alike. The author, a "get it done" kind of person, learned that achieving a balance between leaping into action and dragging his feet might indeed be a good place to be.

If you're wondering how that could be possible, you should definitely read the article. Now or later? Well, that part is up to you.

Friday Freebie: What I'm Reading in Ten Minutes or Less: Women and Psychiatric Medications

freepik.com

Over the years, I've known a number of people who take antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety medications, nearly all of them women. For some, these medications are a lifeline out of darkness and fear, and I'd no sooner deny those women pharmaceutical assistance than I'd deny a thirsty child a glass of water.

But do we overmedicate? Are we blunting our feelings in order to achieve some ideal emotional state? In this piece from last month's New York Times, psychiatrist Julie Holland argues that sometimes the cure is worse than the illness, particularly for women.

I found myself moved by her arguments, and, if I'm to be honest, a little relieved. How about you?