As the owner/operator of a creative mind, I often wonder if it's a blessing or a curse. I love to come up with ideas, but am bored by the process of arranging all the details so the ideas can come to fruition. I can always come up with a long list of things I want to do, or things I want to learn about, but never have enough time to even scratch the surface of most of them. And when it comes to time management...well, I don't manage it well. I have lots of ideas and strategies, but none have stuck.
Sidetracked easily and mood-driven, I have difficulty sticking to to do lists. Instead, I have one long list of things I need to tackle, which I manage through a "what do I want to do now?" approach.
Don't get me wrong. I keep appointments. I meet deadlines. I organize large blocks of time into smaller ones, and manage to plan ahead at least most of the time.
But still I get sidetracked. I mean to tackle that writing piece, but get sucked into an online game instead. I try to dig into the mountain of paperwork, but get interrupted and pulled down a different path.
Frustrated, I resolve to do better, to morph into a Type A personality who makes lists and sticks to them, regardless of the unscheduled distractions that flit across my path like so many butterflies.
As an adult, I feel that I should have outgrown my chasing butterflies stage, and so sometimes I successfully stay on the path, striding down it with determination for days at a time. Invariably, though, a new butterfly captures my attention, and again, I stray.
I try to imagine life without those butterflies - structured, neat, compartmentalized. For a moment, it sounds wonderful. Organized. Out of reach.
But I know that it is within reach if I want it to be, and the truth is, I don't really. I like the butterflies. I like the new ideas that pop up, unbidden, luring me into some new adventure. And when my life is neat and by the book, rare though that may be, it seems as though something is missing.
So I'll go on chasing butterflies, and chastising myself for not being a grown-up, even though I know, deep down, that's exactly how I want it.