Maternal Reflections

 My stack of reading material always contains at least one spiritual book, and one of my favorite authors these days is Father James Martin. In his marvelous, slim gem, In All Seasons, For All Reasons, he includes the following suggestion:

"Contemplate your favorite growing thing and let it 'speak' to you about how God works."

I'm not much of a nature person, but an answer came to me right away.

My daughter.

Told you I wasn't much of a nature person. But, even if I were, I can't imagine a better growing thing. And, while I'm not sure that my daughter speaks to me about how God works, per se, I know that raising her has brought me plenty of messages about how to be a better person.

I know I'm not alone when I say that, through my child, God spoke (and continues to speak) to me about patience. The patience to let her make her own choices. The patience to not say what immediately springs to mind (though I was much better at that when she -- we -- were younger). The patience to believe that this, too shall pass, whether it's toilet training, the "nag and ignore cycle" of junior year in high school, or the growing pains of young adulthood and the empty nest.

In addition, there's the most obvious message which, of course, is love. We love our children like we love no one else. Even when they make it clear they don't want us around (although feeling the love in that moment can be a struggle).  Even when we don't much care for their behavior, or the choices we patiently "allow" them to make, the love is a throughline the reminds us that, even when things are difficult, love is always possible.

My favorite growing thing has also made certain that I have a sense of humor and that I laugh – with her, at myself, and at the ridiculousness that often surrounds us. I feel particularly fortunate that we share the same somewhat snarky sense of humor, and that, most of the time she gets me. I think I get her, too, even though she's now pretty much all grown up.

But the biggest of all the parenting side effects is gratitude. My darling girl was my rainbow baby, the gift after a pregnancy loss that left me angry with God. I still don't understand what God was trying to say with that turn of events but I do know that if things had proceeded as planned, my favorite growing thing would not exist. The math just doesn't work out. 

I am moved beyond words by the enormity of the gift that is my child -- the person who is somehow exactly the same as and completely different from the baby I once rocked to sleep. Perhaps the most life-changing gift of all is that I will forever see the world and all the growing things in it not just through my own eyes, but through hers as well. 

And maybe, just maybe, that's a little glimpse of the divine.

Image by Jim Cramer from Pixabay