Lately in the craziness of days overbooked in an effort to keep diaphanous dreams afloat, I've been wondering if I'm floating in the right direction. This life that I imagined would be leisurely is anything but, leading me to wonder if I'm predisposed to overbooking or if I'm just a girl who cain't say no.
I was talking with my time management class last week about the concept of one in/one out, a strategy I preach but practice only intermittently. It's an idea I've read about with respect to both things and commitments - if you get (or commit to) something new, something old has to go in order to make room for it.
But for the last nine months, I've just sort of assumed that excising a full-time job from my schedule gave me license to fill my schedule with other things. Lots of other things. And they have come home to roost.
Still, it's a privilege to be pursuing my dreams and finding new and different ways of securing a financial future, and I love the adventure involved in following new roads to see where they may lead - so much so that I sometimes worry that I'm becoming a workaholic. I'm so enmeshed in the work I love that stepping aside - even for a good reason - is challenging.
And then the phone rings, or the text chime dings and I'm free to answer it without worrying about the impact of rearranging my day for something as simple as a ride somewhere or an impromptu lunch. And I walk away from my work with barely a backward glance, sure of my priorities, unconcerned about the impact.
Perhaps that explains the overbooking dilemmas - at least partially.
I've never been one to follow the usual path, nor am I good with maps in general. And meandering takes time. So as long as the weather holds and my energy doesn't wane, I'm going to keep chasing those diaphanous dreams. If a few evaporate, I guess that's to be expected - in fact, some already have - but I won't know for sure until I track them down and hold them in my hands for a little while.
And most nights, I sleep well after a day of chasing dreams, so perhaps the time is better spent than I think it is.